it's so easy

One of my favorite parts about being away from home was writing back. A captive audience made it so enjoyable. And now i don't write as often as i should because i "don't have time."

This time that i'm using right now i actually don't have. It's like spending money--it's literally in the account, but it will literally be needed next month--but it's there, it's easy to spend. This time is here now, and it won't be tomorrow, but it's easy to waste because there is no urgency. It's got to be budgeted and sorted and packaged and saved and used as promised.. but it's so easy to live in free blindness rather than safe diligence.

I love the Fayetteville Public Library and its story-windows. You can see so much of the sky through the library windows. I think that's important to everything that libraries represent.

A bad habit that i've gotten into is waiting a very long time when i'm thirsty before i drink water.

My daddy can look at an airplane flying overhead and say what it is. I wish i could do that, too. i know sort of generally C1-30s and F-15 and 16s, and B-17s, and that those mean Cargo and Fighter and Bomber, but they don't fly over Fayetteville very often. I'd also like to know more about meteorology.

Pointless rambling, anyone? Why do i post this on the World Wide Web for all to see?

not alone, remember

When i first got back from Thailand one year ago, i listened to this CD like breathing air, like i had just come within seconds of drowning, and all i could do was breathe and know that i wasn't dead. There is healing in the music because there is God's message in the music.

Today at church was about Joshua: be strong and very courageous, and I will never leave you.

Please believe me when i talk about circles. These things all orbit together: being the same as children--having the deep need for being held, following rebellious streaks, realizing the meanings of stuff; never being alone because of the sorrow and love of our Father--He is with us, he knows, he is watching out the kitchen window; learning lessons over and over--knowing that we have to love our neighbor but struggling so hard; having to die and say Yes to life--giving up our 'rights' to toys, space, food, transportation; seasons and change and newness--moving to a new house, going to a new school, getting a new job; old habits dying hard. You know?

So often i experience the very same emotions that i did when i was a child--i remember--because i'm the same person, except bigger. And i'm learning the same lessons, except connected in different ways.

Love is so glad, but so deep and painful. I think that's what beauty is too.

superman. banana.

Tony Horton's voice resonates from every room in my house. Echoes of his revved-up exhortations to Get Busy are infiltrating the brains of my roommates. We're all doing P90X--those workout videos from infomercials, you know. It's great exercise, but i have the feeling that we will all want to kill Tony long before 90 days are over.

I'm starting to realize the imbalance between my talking and not-talking. Many times i keep something silent that is burning to come out of my mouth. i should know that it's okay for me to say stuff. Not talking makes people think i have deep and wise insight to contribute when i really don't, i just don't like hearing the sound of my own voice. I would hate to become a say-lots-of-random-words-foolishly person, but is that just pride? I should pray about this. Also i am not quick at thinking on my toes, and often what i want to say becomes formulated minutes after the opportunity passes. (See? This argument is one of the main reasons i don't talk or don't say completely what i mean, and it only came after all the rest of that fluff. My point exactly.)

I'm bad at concluding blog posts.